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Tickle Me Emo @woodmuffin
everyone thinks that Nazi rocket scientist was really smart, but you shoulda met his cousin, Werner von Brains!!
my name steph @stumblebee
realest pokemon is in jail #freeWeezing
Mr. Thank You @c0mmunicants
Orwellian: someone was mean to me

Kafkaesque: someone was mean to me and I had to fill out a form
SAKANOUE @_sakanoue
https://twitter.com/_sakanoue/status/679887675239747584/photo/1
em!! @realemilyattack
this is a total Jim Halpert face https://twitter.com/realemilyattack/status/587506980916297728/photo/1
i bless the rains down in castamere @Chinchillazllla
If you breed two of these populations, which typically don't cross paths, together, their offspring will try to migrate to some point in between their parents' overwintering locations. And if you take a monarch to Europe and raise it, it will try to migrate across the Atlantic.
Cory Doctorow (@pluralistic@mamot.fr) @doctorow
@matthewstoller Economists deploy math to justify inequality the way court astrologers used celestial mechanics to prove the divine right of kings
birdflw @birdflw
You are my wife and I love you and I'm sorry but you are the fakest rapper in the game right now
charlie @chunkbardey
my friend natalie just made an amazing point. she pointed out that “you never know”
Don Hughes @getfiscal
Jeffrey Epstein (with frosted tips and wearing a Hypercolor shirt): And I’m gonna call the plane Lolita Express.
Donald Trump (sipping experimental intelligence serum): You do understand Nabokov’s novel is about the terrible logic of abuse, right? You sound like a total imbecile.
josh @lee94josh
*me, worried if not*

no worries if not!!!!
Liz Fosslien @fosslien
this guy is literally waiting for godot!! is this a joke? anyone.... https://twitter.com/fosslien/status/665641611091714048/photo/1
The Red Man @PorkTartare
alright alright, this birth control is called "tron" because it gives you a light cycle.
Tickle Me Emo @woodmuffin
How to tell if you were a loser in high school: under your yearbook photo it says "NOT PICTURED"
💜💜🎀 ȶɦɛ ȶɦɨռӄɛʀ🎀 💜💜 @NickPinkerton
My five-year old Tyler just saw Trump on TV, turned to me and said "One recalls Gramsci's words on 'morbid symptoms' in the interregnum."
Osita Nwanevu @OsitaNwanevu
Most American conservatives hold two thoughts in their heads simultaneously. The first is that Democrats have never made any meaningful rightward concessions. The second is that the Democratic Party is now moving too far left. The obvious question, then, is left...from where?
rahcxl @rahcelscorner
Sugar Ray and Sigur Rós are the same band
dan chamberlain @amfmpm
[losing badly in a contest]
guys its not a contest
Mat Brown @0utoftime
in that 80,735 seat Lambeau with your girl
Michelle Lee @heymichellelee
from left to right: me on twitter, facebook, tumblr, instagram, and linkedin https://twitter.com/heymichellelee/status/835932514623574017/photo/1